• Ask direct questions about their situation gently. Give them time to talk. Ask again a few days later. Don’t rush into providing a solution.

• Listen without judging. Your friend, relative or co-worker may believe the abuser’s negative messages. They may feel ashamed, inadequate, and afraid they will be judged by you.

• Let them know that you care about them and that it’s not their fault. Explain that there’s never an excuse for physical violence in a relationship – not alcohol or drugs, not financial pressure, not depression, not jealousy . . . not anything.

• Explain that domestic violence is a crime – as much of a crime as robbery or rape – and that they can seek protection from the police or courts.

• Emphasize that when they are ready, they can make a choice to leave the relationship, and that
  help is available. Also emphasize that domestic violence tends to get worse and becomes more frequent with time, and that it does not go away on its own.

• If they have a restraining order, let them know that by contacting them
  in any way the abuser has broken
  the law. If they choose, they can
  ask the police to arrest the abuser
  for doing so, especially if they have evidence. Encourage them
  to save letters or e-mail sent from
  the abuser, or messages left on
  their answering machine or voice mail, along with the date the
  contact was made.

What is abuse?

How to help my Community

Help is available.

Virginia Department of Social Services

Virginia Sexual & Domestic Violence Action Alliance

Break the Silence
A project of Virginia Sexual & Domestic Violence Action Alliance

Resources for Professionals

Brochures

• If they remain in the relationship, continue to be their friend while firmly expressing your concern for their safety. Remember that for many victims, leaving an abusive relationship can take time and may not happen right away.

• Many battered
  immigrant victims
  who have legal immigration status
  do not know their batterer cannot take
  that status away.
  You should know
  that if immigrant
  victims are U.S.
  citizens , lawful permanent residents,
  or have a valid visa,
  they cannot be deported unless they have entered the U.S. on fraudulent documents, violated conditions of their
  visa, or have been convicted of certain crimes.

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